5 Ways To Avoid The “You Spend Too Much Time On The Computer” Fight

00 Santa Dan(I ran this post last year around this time and it’s worth running again. I’m all about helping people.)

Nearly every female writer I’ve become friends with has had the same fight with her man: she spends too much time on the computer. (I don’t think ANY of these dustups came during football season, either. We’ll be ahead of the curve.)

The fight happens because your man feels disconnected, so let him know he’s not boring to you. Bored wives end up angry and file for divorce. Bored girlfriends end up becoming ex-girlfriends.

or worse
or worse

He probably doesn’t want that.

Happily, you can hammer out a writing schedule that works for everyone, without appearing to do so.

  1. Take a week off from writing and track just how much time he actually wants. Don’t announce this, just don’t get on the computer when you normally would. Attempt to be a part of whatever he’s doing – unless it’s woodworking; that, he wants you to have no part of. Because tools. Just gaze adoringly at whatever exotic hardwood object he eventually presents.
  1. As a woman you’re practically a pre-qualified CIA spy. While spending time with him during this week off, covertly keep track of things. Whether it’s an hour of doing puzzles or watching SVU, note when you start and when he doesn’t seem to require you by his side. After a week he’ll be tired of trying to be interesting – and you’ll know how much time he really needs.
Ghost Rider, the eagle on the move.
Ghost Rider, the eagle is on the move.
  1. Talk. How’s the (your local NFL team)’s draft prospects this year? Or the (local baseball team)’s schedule? Those two questions alone show you’re trying. (If SVU is on, do this during commercials.)
  1. Let your lion know he’s still king of the jungle. Yes, that means sex, but you initiate it – and don’t take no for an answer. Attack him after dinner and give him what he likes best, right there on the couch. Casually ask if he’s thought about having a three way with you and another woman, and then before he can answer, rock his world.
I got this
I got this

After a week, he’ll beg you to go back to your computer, not because he dislikes the new arrangement, but because he’s exhausted.

Then start work on your old writing schedule again, adjusted for your week of recon. Maybe write on Monday – Wednesday – Friday, and on Sunday morning while he reads the paper.

  1. Stop writing and give him a smile when he walks into the room, not the “I’m busy, don’t interrupt” face. He’s not being mean; he simply doesn’t know the refrigerator is where the cold sodas are kept. Accept that.
It's next to the ketchup!
It’s next to the ketchup!

Yes, it’s an unfair a one-way street for a while; but unless he’s a complete bozo, things will turn around quickly. He’ll have new enthusiasm for your writing and you’ll have a busy writing schedule. Everybody wins!

Besides, baseball season starts soon. You can go the extra mile with a new schedule until it does.

Opening Day is April 15?
Opening Day is April 3?

(Ladies, turnabout is fair play. Tell us your strategies to keep things happy and productive for the writer that is you!)


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Dan Alatorre is the author of several bestsellers and the hilarious upcoming novel “Poggibonsi: an italian misadventure.” Click HERE to check out his other works.

Published by Dan Alatorre AUTHOR

International bestselling author Dan Alatorre has 17 titles published in over a dozen languages. From Romance in Poggibonsi to action and adventure in the sci-fi thriller The Navigators, to comedies like Night Of The Colonoscopy: A Horror Story (Sort Of) and the heartwarming and humorous anecdotes about parenting in the popular Savvy Stories series, his knack for surprising audiences and making you laugh or cry - or hang onto the edge of your seat - has been enjoyed by audiences around the world. And you are guaranteed to get a page turner every time. “That’s my style,” Dan says. “Grab you on page one and then send you on a roller coaster ride, regardless of the story or genre.” Readers agree, making his string of #1 bestsellers popular across the globe. He will make you chuckle or shed tears, sometimes on the same page. His novels always contain twists and turns, and his nonfiction will stay in your heart forever. Dan resides in the Tampa area with his wife and daughter. You can find him blogging away almost every day on www.DanAlatorre or watch his hilarious YouTube show every week Writers Off Task With Friends. Dan’s marketing book 25 eBook Marketing Tips You Wish You Knew has been a valuable tool for new authors (it’s free if you subscribe to his newsletter) and his dedication to helping other authors is evident in his helpful blog.

35 thoughts on “5 Ways To Avoid The “You Spend Too Much Time On The Computer” Fight

    1. It’s not like I have these memorized, so I started to scroll back up… but then I realized who this comment was from and of course didn’t need to scroll back up!

      Hey, whatever works, right? Keep peace in the family. It’s hard to write when you are stressing about a fight that’s brewing.

      1. Luckily, there is no one to tell me how much time I should or shouldn’t spend on the computer… but I have made a note of this in case I need it in the future!

    1. It happens to us all, and it’s never a bad idea to look around and see how our writing life is affecting others we used to interact with. Kids, the dog… Occasionally they will want to be fed or taken to school.

  1. Er, my slight issue with this is the male in my house that complains about my computer time is not my husband but my son. I’ll be skipping some of those suggestions thank you very ickarooo much. As a side note, he does indeed know where the Izze is kept he just can’t open the can. LOL

  2. This is the crux of it–that “our writing life is affecting others we used to interact with.” How do we deal with the guilt when family and pets need more of our attention?

    1. Guilt is an unproductive time waster in general.

      Typically, you are either right, in which case a plan of attack is needed, or you are wrong, in which case an apology is warranted. I can apologize with the best of them. I mess up a lot but I can defend my position as if I was totally in the right, which wins the battle and loses the war. So after an appropriate amount of pondering, I apologize and move forward.

      However, if you are right, which I hear happens on occasion to others, then you need to assess everybody’s needs and make the adjustments. Maybe that’s a second hand computer for the kid and maybe it’s a schedule for family time or adult time, but writing time gets its place too – NOT usually during family time or adult time.

      Go to my search feature and type “find time to write.” I’ve listed a lot of ways to figure out how to get the writing time you need. Usually it just forces you to prioritize your writing over stuff like Facebook or the Kardashians, but it doesn’t require cutting things out, just managing them.

      Good luck, and if you need more help, send me a message using the Contact Me button. I can reply privately or we can anonymously air your questions and get some input from the group!

  3. I complained for years about my husband spending too much time on his photography blog and now the shoe is on the other foot. We have reached a reasonable compromise were we sit companionably on the sofa with our laptops. I just give him the ‘look’ when he dares to complain…:)

  4. I am the writer in my household. As such, when my wife is complaining about me not spending enough time with her, I find that she only needs #4. Because…well… I’m a guy. That being said, I find it a tad bit infuriating that she has it so easy… not that I’m complaining.

  5. Surprisingly there are a lot of #4 responses on both sides. But, whatever works! As a guy I can say, you might ask HER what she thinks about all this, but then you’ll end up at JoAnne Fabrics and not watching the playoffs.

  6. There’s a very simple solution here. Buy him an XBox. Then you won’t see him for DAYS.

    My problem is more that I MUST watch football…so I hog the TV AND the laptop. Actually, come to think of it, that isn’t MY problem, it’s HIS. But surely there’s a mower to gas up or a tree to trim?

    P.S. I’m pretty fly with woodworking tools – and I have access to some boss ones at work. But I share.

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