See? I’m writing a mystery, too.
But I can’t put mine in my contest.
I wrote this rough draft Thursday morning, but I need a good name for my detective. Wanna help?
Read the scene below and think of what a good name for this guy (currently called “Sergio Martin” for no good reason) would be.
Best answer gets the name they pick used in the story, and a mention by me in the book’s acknowledgements!
Sweeping his hand across her cheek to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, Sergio Martin lowered his lips to kiss the beautiful blonde in front of him.
The phone in his pocket buzzed.
He winced. “Do you believe that crap?”
The woman pulled him close, brushing her nose against his. “Ignore it.”
“Yeah. Can’t.” He sighed, digging into his pocket. “Duty calls.”
“Are you sure?” She leaned back on the couch, placing an elbow on the armrest and winding a finger into her hair. “Things were getting interesting.”
Martin stood, patting his pocket. “I’m pretty sure I can’t ignore this one. It’s my work phone.”
“Lousy timing.”
“Would there have been a good time to interrupt this?” He pulled the phone from his pocket and mashed a button. “Detective Martin here.”
Plucking an empty wine glass off the end table, the woman sauntered across the living room to the small kitchen.
Martin pressed the phone to his ear as he flicked on a lamp. “Port of Tampa, pier thirty-one warehouse.” He scribbled a few notes on a pad. “How many bodies?”
His date leaned on the counter and took a sip of her wine.
“Okay, got it.” Martin nodded, shoving the pad in his back pocket. “Can you call Detective Sanderson for me? Tell her I’m leaving my house right now I’ll be there at the port in about fifteen minutes.” He ended the call and slid the phone back into his pocket.
“Okay if I let myself out? I’ve had a few drinks and don’t feel like driving.”
“Stay as long as you like. Finish the bottle.” Martin grabbed his gun and wallet. “My wife won’t be back until tomorrow night.”
“You got yourself a deal.” She picked up the bottle of Asti and poured a glass. The tiny golden bubbles raced to the top of the glass but didn’t go past the rim. As Martin picked his car keys up off the end table and headed for the door, she raised her drink and winked. “Hurry back.”
He smiled. “Lady, you’re about to see record speed police work.” Yanking open the front door, he darted out, shoving the door so it would shut behind him.
Dan Alatorre 
Paul Brunswick, for no good reason. Woman, Delilah, for good reason 😁
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Shawn Mitchell whether it’s a man or a woman
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Sergei Greco
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Gavin Harlock was the first name that popped into my mind. Detective Harlock.
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That dude sounds hard boiled. That might have to be their boss. What’s a detective’s boss’ rank? Lieutenant? Captain?
Captain Harlock.
Oh, he’s definitely hard boiled. Drinks scotch at night to unwind. Divorced twice. Heavy smoker. Uses Old Spice deodorant…
Yeah, I can totally see it.
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How about Dan, so his date could say “Dam it Dan! Not again.” His nick name could even be Dam it Dan.
ps..
Hey its me Dabney, better know as Doozer from critiquecircle.com.😉
I’v been waiting for you to come back and post a new Queue on critique circle FOREVER. 😅
So are you ever coming back, Im not the only one who misses you.
speaking of Queues, iv made the leap myself and started two of my own.
Life with Lee ( my autistic little brother)
as well as my own mystery,
Autistic girl and the killer lawn gnome
Which is a story is narrated from the point of view of a Guardian Angel named Charlie, who watches after Leila, a 22-year-old mute woman with autism living in a group home.
Even though Charlie doesn’t have a form or body, Leila knows he is with her. How she can do this, is a mystery.
When Leila finds the groundskeeper’s dead body, impaled on a lawn gnome named Skippy.
Everyone else thinks it was an accident, but Leila’s not so sure. More importantly, she want Skippy back in the garden as he was taken by police as evidence.
Now Charlie has to work overtime to protect her. As somebody doesn’t want this mystery solved and will do anything to keep it covered up.
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Hi Doozer! I saw your message on the critique site the other day.
I’m sure I will get back to the critique site in the future but I’m working on a lot of other projects right now. I have to admit, I do miss the rush of posting something and having lots of people read right away. It inspired me to write faster and it helped me write better.
You are welcome to keep us updated on your progress over here anytime. You could even do a guest blog post if you want.
Great hearing from you!
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Anthony (to his family) Tony (to his friends) Romano.
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Nice one! It sounds familiar, too. Always a plus.
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I just got the idea from reading your excerpt and plus I think it’s a good name for a Detective. “Hey I’m Detective Tony Romano, you got a problem?”
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