What Is A Hero? (Alternate title: Why Are People Assholes?)

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Your humble host

Last weekend, I went to the city that is known for being the highest tourist attraction city in the world. We went to two of the world’s most popular theme parks.

I won’t name them because the parks themselves are irrelevant. (One is Magical and the other is Sea themed, okay?)

It’s the people we met at the parks that are relevant.

At the first magical park, we had a blast and were finally leaving, waiting in line for the mass transit system to take us to the parking lots. As you might guess, at the end of a long, hot Florida day, the crowds were thick and the people were tired. We were leaving kinda early because we and our friends wanted an early dinner for our young children. I mention that because it was not 9 PM or 11 PM. This place does not serve alcohol. It was about five or five-thirty in the afternoon. Yes, it was hot. Yes, it was crowded. Yes, I was a little cranky myself, but when you have a six-year-old you have to keep your own crankiness in check so you can keep in check the kid’s crankiness. But our children were fine because one six-year-old little girl will almost certainly be in a good mood if there’s another six-year-old little girl with her.

However, as we stood in line to board the monorail, two relatively large ladies, a mom and a daughter, it seemed, pushed their way past us.

Again, I was focused on my family and friends so I couldn’t care less. In fact, many, many times that day the two husbands stood in line while the two wives ran with the two little girls to the bathroom and then guess what? The two moms and two girls had to politely make their way through the line to join up with the men. Not a big deal.

So, in what appeared to be a mother and daughter, both of whom were – I’ll just say it: they were big. They were fat. It wasn’t a secret and it doesn’t matter anyway. Because I don’t care if they’re big or fat. I care about people being nice to each other. And at the end of a long hot day, somebody else in the crowd decided not to be as humane as me. They said or did something to those women as they passed.

Now, in fairness, not every jerk understands that two people might have needed to go to the bathroom and are simply catching up with the rest of their party. Nobody likes line cutters. And at the end of the day two people pushing ahead of you in line isn’t probably going to make you miss the train. And if it does, there’s another one in about 60 seconds so cool your fucking jets.

However, this was the end of a long, hot day and not everyone was feeling as charitable in line as me.

Apparently some man said something to the women as they went past. The younger girl, who was probably about 13, took his comments very hard and was trying not cry. Her friends, probably one the mom’s age and the second one a slightly older teenage girl, yelled at the man. He was about 20 feet away, but they were yelling like he was a mile away. He said something back.

Yeah, you see where this is going.

Maybe those viral videos of school kid fights and little league dad fights and psycho mom fights at Target aren’t harmless after all. It was in my head; maybe it was in theirs.

The young friend basically was yelling in a manner that suggested she was about to go down to start throwing punches at him. And as you might guess, nobody wants to see that. I don’t want to see it, I don’t want my daughter to see it, I don’t want my day to end that way, because I’m the kinda guy who’s going to get in the middle of that shit to break it up – and end up going to Magical Land Jail because somebody thought I was throwing punches.

I really, really don’t need that.

But at the moment the two soon-to-be-warring factions we’re separated by about 20 feet. So I said things like hey, it’s Magic Land! Come on the train is here, let’s all calm down.

I said those things loud enough for everyone to hear them. And of course my wife and friends looked at me like why are you getting in the middle of this?

After a few more comments that weren’t necessarily aimed at anyone but were certainly aimed at the pre-feud families, the magic train arrived and the crowd started moving. I had the opportunity to pass the large lady and her  large 13-year-old daughter.

The girl was still trying hard to not cry.

I looked young woman right in the eye and I said, “You need to understand something. You had a great day today and you’re probably gonna have a great day tomorrow – and that person is miserable and how they lashed out is not right but they have to go home to their miserable existence and you get to go on and have a good time with yours. Understand, the problem is with them not with you.” More words were said and basically the group thanked me. I did it in a way that the asshole guy might have heard or seen.

The next day, we were at a different park. I went into the restroom to find some towels because that’s how this particular park does their beach stuff, hiding towels in the bathrooms instead of out by the chairs where they’d be easily accessible, and when I came out I noticed a young boy about eight years old sitting outside the restroom.

The only reason that young boy is sitting outside a restroom is because he’s waiting for his mom to come out.

And he was Jewish. How did I know? He was wearing a yarmulke. That’s the little cap thing really devout Jews wear when they go to a water park. They don’t take it off. He was a cute kid, too, and the yarmulke was an awesome shade of bright blue, almost a deep turquoise. I wonder if the kid gets to pick it themselves? I’d have picked that color. It’s my favorite. It was probably his. I bet that’s why he picked it.

Eight years old. Just two years older than my daughter. He could almost pass for that kid she has a crush on, the one she roller skated with.

And he was waiting patiently for his mother, I assumed. Something no 8 year old boy wants to be doing; they want to be in the water with their friends.

As I passed him, I heard some men talking rather loudly in a foreign language. Swedish or German. I turned around and saw one of the men pointing and laughing at the Jewish boy, then the man danced a little jig in a mocking style to make his group laugh. Two men and two young boys, younger than the child they were making fun of. My eyes immediately went to the Jewish boy and the expression on his face said it all. He was deeply hurt and embarrassed and doing his best not to show it. He looked at me and his eyes were a little larger than they were a minute ago.

Having two full-grown adult males pointing and laughing at you with nothing but 20 feet of concrete in between them and you, and your protectors are nowhere in sight, it’s not a fun place to be.

So I stood there. I looked at the boy not with the mocking jeers of the foreigners who were making fun of him but with a calm face. He probably knew that this man with towels in his hand had somewhere to be but was instead standing there about 5 feet away from him. I didn’t intervene. I did not need to. The foreigners eventually left.

I looked at the boy asked where he was from. He hadn’t said a word until then and in a theme park he might be from anywhere; might not speak English.

He was very polite. He stood up and said “Boca” then he added – like he’d been taught, maybe – “I’m from Boca Raton, sir.”

Nice kid. (Who says sir?) I said, “I’m from Tampa.” He smiled and opened his mouth to engage in a conversation but I cut him off, nodding in the direction of where the two men had been. “Stupid people come from all over. You have to learn to shake that stuff off.” As a woman appeared from the ladies room and walked toward us, I held out my hand to the boy. “You did good today.”

We shook hands and he looked down.

It was a situation he didn’t want to be in and maybe he didn’t want to explain. But if you’re going to wear your yarmulke, you’re going to be in situations.

Cap on, Jew. Cap off, Italian. Or maybe Spanish or German or Swedish. Or maybe just a polite 8 year old kid.

He was learning how to be tough about that, but he also learned that maybe you have more allies than you know about.

The world is what we make of it. You don’t have to jump into a yelling match or a bullying episode. You may simply stand there and be a witness or you may be prepared to spring into action if necessary. Or you may simply let a little fucking kid know they are not the one who has the problem. Believe me, everybody who’s been in one of those spots would appreciate it if they were told that they were the brave one and that they don’t have the problem and that some stranger realized it and took that moment to tell them, in these words are others, that you are proud of them. Whether it’s a 13-year-old girl or an eight-year-old boy, it only takes a minute of your life but it may change theirs. I don’t know why I do this stuff. I don’t think that’s why am put on this earth, to be some semi heroic bullshit Lone Ranger who was that masked man type of guy. It’s not the kind of thing I go around bragging about because is not the kind of thing I do very often. But I have a six-year-old kid. And I’d like to think if something happens someone would be there for her. So maybe I’m just making deposits in the karma bank just in case. But I don’t believe that. I don’t think somebody will be there for her just like nobody else was there for those two kids this weekend.

Most heroes are wrong. They think they aren’t special. They are. They act when others don’t, even on small stuff.

I’m not a hero. I’m barely a good example most of the time. It sounds self-serving, too. But I’m gonna own it. In a small way, for a fraction of a moment, I was a hero.

To that boy.

To that girl.

Maybe they won’t remember and maybe they’ll never forget, I don’t know.

I’m not special unless none of you act when your chance happens.

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Dan Alatorre is the author of several bestsellers and the amazingly great upcoming sci fi action thriller “The Navigators.” Click HERE to read a sample chapter OR be a beta reader. Click HERE to check out his other works.

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39 thoughts on “What Is A Hero? (Alternate title: Why Are People Assholes?)

  1. I’m glad you were there for those kids. There have been sociological studies suggesting the very thing you suggested – most won’t help when the time calls for it. Think of a bell curve – assholes on one end, heroes on the other, and the big fat middle filled with bystanders who wait for someone else to do something. The fact that you did something – twice! – puts you in the minority.

    I bet those kids will remember you. I was a kid like that, only I don’t have a story of a stranger standing up for me. I do, however, have a story of an adult who could have stood up and done the right thing and chose not to. She watched me get bullied until I was running to my mom’s car in tears, and I’ll never forget her because of that. Allowing injustice to happen can be just as memorable as stepping up. So the question becomes, how do we want to be remembered?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Nicely done. Those kids needed you that day. I don’t think it was a coincidence you were there when it all went down. Yeah, there are assholes in this world, but kindness and compassion from a stranger can overcome the sting.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The kids may not remember your face, but they will remember the act and will likely endeavor to do the same at some future time with some future kid. You’ve helped more than two kids.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t know, Karina. I never thought the guys were gonna do anything, so I never felt I was in danger = not heroic. With the girl, I always feel as though I can appeal to somebody’s better side and calm things down, so also not heroic. But as fast as I say that, I shake my head and say nobody else did anything. That makes me a little sad, but maybe I just acted before they could, you know?

      Liked by 1 person

  4. All children need coaching of one sort or another. Most coaching comes from parents. By speaking kindly to these two children, you were the coach that they needed at the height of their need. The lessons learned in tense situations like you encountered are the lessons remembered for life. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, dear … these are the things of which all of us had faced somehow in some parts of our lives. There are always rude people around. I remembered when the first time I got my job as an administrator in a hotel, my colleagues and I, went to the bar down at the lobby and there was this man in his 50’s who had the worse day. I sat just one stool away from him and he just sobbed there as if he is in his own room. He doesn’t care of his surrounding or the people who stares at him, but later he just turned around and told me he just killed a man by accident.

    “He was but a boy! I am a judge! Why did I drink that night? I am a good man, a respectable husband and a judge. I drank that night and I killed a boy by allowing myself to drive.” He sobbed terribly and buried his face in his hands, apologizing to me a few times over. I asked him if he feels uncomfortable, I can just go. Anyway, I know there is nothing I can do for him, either. But then, he said that I can just sit there if I am okay with it. He asked me not to go and there is no need for me to speak to him either, if I do not want too. He just feel he don’t want to be alone …

    Now, I realized later, it is not the act to be an action hero that can help people. But to be even a quiet company for someone in dire need even if there is no dramatic events happening, is more than enough to make you a Hero for someone … I’d learned much from that one and of course, there are other incidents as well. But this one, is the most memorable one for me.

    But as I had said just now … there are always rude people around and all we have to do is to know how to handle the situation, ignore it and shake it off.

    It was really very kind of you to be so nice to the girl and that Jewish boy. A simple but noble act that comes from the heart.

    ʕ♡˙ᴥ˙♡ʔ

    Liked by 1 person

  6. We sometimes conflate the idea of “hero” with the action heroes of movies and comic books when, in fact, heroic acts are in the eye of the beholder. No doubt those kids (and more than a few of the adults present) will remember what you said in those situations; some will be inspired to “pay it forward.” That kind of quiet heroism is what makes the world a better place, one person at a time. And, really, that’s the most any of us mere mortals can hope to achieve on this crazy planet of ours.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. You are a hero, if only in those moments. We live in a society that is so narcissistic, most of the time; they could care less what their actions do to others. You not only said something beautiful to that young girl but implanted in her heart and mind that not all people are assholes. You took the burden from a child and carried it away. I imagine she did have a good evening. As for the young boy, you showed him respect, you stood in as his protector while his mother was indisposed, and you let those horrible men know, quietly, they’d have to come through you – so they left. We should all be so brave and speak up. And, I might add, you were a wonderful example to your own children. Thank you for sharing this with us.
    @sheilamgood at Cow Pasture Chronicles

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You are a hero by my definition and I bet both those kids will remember what you did for them. An adult stood up for me once in a similar situation, when I was ten years old and I’ve never forgotten the day. I can even remember her smell and that was over thirty years ago. She was a hero to me. Not many people take the time and not many people care enough to get involved in what’s going on around them. It truly shows what you are made of and it defines your character. The world needs more people like you. I followed your story from Shelia’s blog, Cow Pasture Chronicles, and I’m delighted I found a new writer/blogger to follow. Especially one who is such a good parent with such strong morals and character. I’m happy to connect with you. I’ve been away from blogging the entire month of May because my husband is very ill and has been hospitalized all month, but I hope to return soon. Thanks for the great story and lesson. You are so right, the world is what we make of it.
    Melissa Sugar @
    Melissa Sugar Writes
    Twitter Msugar13

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi Dan,
    Good for you! I think you were put there to help change those situations – and I think you fulfilled your mission well. Thank you for having the balls to stand up and be the voice of reason to let the kids know they’re okay, they’re not at fault.
    I’m well known as being the one who steps into situations like this and it almost always ends well (the other times, it helps that my long-suffering husband is big and tall and strong!) Even though it sometimes gets messy – I believe there is almost never a reason to be silent when something needs to be said to protect an innocent. If everyone acted gently at times like this – imagine what the world might be like??
    Thank you for be a participant.
    Cheryl

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Very nice to read this at the end of a long day. My late husband had the same kind of fearless, big hearted attitude toward the young and the downtrodden. You’re right, you are only a hero if other homo sapiens look the other way when awful stuff happens. Negative joy killers are everywhere, but so are positive people. We just need to speak up. Not confront, but say our piece fearlessly. I can’t give myself an excuse to confront, because then I become self righteous, and that ruins the whole thing. Right on.

    Liked by 1 person

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