The other day, we were asking you to choose between two blurbs and two tag lines.
Then I got this message.
Dear Dan,
I would put the first names of the detectives because I think one is a woman and if I know that up front I’m more likely to buy the book.
So maybe something like this:
Facing two horrific crime scenes, Detectives Sergio Martin and Carly Sanderson are assigned to lead the investigation.
That attracts me more because maybe as a woman I don’t want to read about two men, just a thought.
Sincerely,
Not A Sexist Or A Politically Correct Worrywart
She has a point, and as one of my valued Critique Partners, she gets to the heart of the matter.
MARKETING
According to my friend Jim Patterson (James to those of you who didn’t pay a hundred bucks for his course)
women buy 80% of the books
so we need to keep the ladies in mind when we market.
(Personally, I always try to keep the ladies on my mind, but here – does it help?
Most of the readers of this blog are women. Does letting you know Detective Sanderson is a woman increase your interest level in the book at all?
If the cover has a woman on the front, that might help, but going JUST with the blurb information…
WOULD SHOWING THE DETECTIVES FIRST NAMES – AND LETTING BUYERS KNOW ONE IS A WOMAN – HELP?
Let me know in the comments below.
Here’s the Blurb that most of you liked:
A lone trucker is ambushed, shot, and brutally stabbed. A tourist meets the same fate while out for a jog. Facing two crime scenes that could have been in a horror movie, Detectives Martin and Sanderson search for the crazed serial killer. When five more attacks happen in a week, launching the entire city into a panic, the mayor throws all of the city’s resources into stopping the rampage. But while the detectives work around the clock, they don’t know the killer has upped the game—by making them his next targets. 92 words
We’d change that to Detectives Sergio Martin and Carly Sanderson
or
Detectives Carly Sanderson and Sergio Martin
(Might as well put her first. She has seniority over him and being first will catch a few more eyeballs.)
DAN ALATORRE 
21 replies on “What about this? (And don’t be sexist or politically correct just be HONEST)”
I like the addition of the names. 🙂
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You mean addition of the first name, right? (It already had the last names).
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Yes, the first names.
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I agree adding that this detective team has a man and woman as partners works for me!
Funny, buy I enjoy James Patterson in his women’s detective club books but the ones he writes (like the Beach House) with a man, not so crazy about. You can edit the competition out when you read this since I just was giving an example. Sincerely, Robin (just stepping out of my hiatus from blogging. . . Only four more pre-scheduled posts left)
Life is still going to be full but now I can enjoy visiting. Career change
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Thanks for the input! I appreciate it.
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You’re so welcome, Dan.
If you don’t see my comments, it is due to a big change, only four more silent blog posts pre-scheduled on my blog and leaving my manual labor job to become an admin assistant for my real estate daughter. The changes are all “good” but I honestly am still going to sneak back and comment once in awhile.
My original premise for my blog had changed direction twice already. . .
Cheers and best wishes, Dan. 🎆✨
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Thanks. Good luck! Don’t be a stranger!
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Agreed- the first names make it stronger. Great blurb, btw.
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Cool. Thank you!
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I agree with adding the names. If there was a female and a male detective, I would be more inclined to buy the book. Whether or not the book is a romance, I would enjoy the possible chemistry between the two. Maybe it’s too late, but the name Carly would be borderline male for me. If I am just quickly glancing at the tagline/blurb, it looks like Carl or a derivative of Charlie. Especially if there are no he’s and she’s in the blurb.
But maybe it’s because I’ve never met a female Carly, but I have had several friends named Charles and Carl.
-Laura
>
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Carly Simon
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I didn’t actually notice the absence of. It is a story that takes my notice when I read about a book and I am happy to have chaps as leading characters in the hope I might find out how men’s minds work! Crime dramas in books and on TV have probably explored just about every posibility of two people working together and most have an interesting back story.
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I would say these characters have an interesting backstory but we’re not gonna tell you what any of it is. I’m just hoping they act like they’ve been friends for a while.
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The gender does not matter t me (a man) but I do think it’s a good idea to have their forenames anyway. I irritated one* of my readers by naming a the partner of a principal male character ‘Connie’ before pointing pointing out that his full name was Conrad and they were a gay couple.
*Of course, it could be more than one – but o far only one has mentioned it!
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I always wondered about Carol O Connor. A man with a named Carol, but in certain countries that’s a man’s name.
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It depends on the cover I think. If there’s going to be a man and woman holding guns and dressed like detectives, I wouldn’t necessarily need the gender clue in the blurb (if it were to matter to me, which it doesn’t).
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Well, luckily we will all get to decide on what the cover is going to look like long before the book comes out!
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Yes, I admit I like the female detective! And put her name first. It is more intriguing to me as a woman to think there is a female on this case. Opens up so many possibilities!
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Hmm. I can’t see a good reason not to do it.
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I think that adding the first names is a good move. I didn’t notice them missing until you brought it up, and then it got me to thinking: Hmmmm, I wonder what their relationship is like, and how will they react to an attacker?
Ω
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Cool. And you get to learn all that in the story!
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