Yesterday I rolled out a first-draft blurb for this book.

Today, I’ve tweaked it. (Three blurbs follow)

Is one of the following blurbs better than the others? Which elements do you need in a blurb so you’ll feel compelled to check it out further? What puts you off?

BLURB 1:

On the tenth anniversary of her father’s death, fourteen-year-old Gina Martin finds herself inexplicably drawn to the run-down old park where he used to take her. There, while exploring an eerie abandoned water tower, Gina accidentally discovers a portal that takes her to the 1700’s where she meets and falls for a young Noble tasked with settling Spain’s La Florida territory. Each day, Gina goes to school, then sneaks off to spend time in the old world with Prince Philip. Befriending a matronly handmaiden named Summer, who is skilled in the mystical nature of local plants, Gina learns to love the ways of the old world – to the ire of Philip’s counselor Cero, a practitioner of a darker mysticism who wants Gina gone.

But as she studies history in school, Gina notices her textbook changing to reflect the things she does in Old Florida – possibly sending the modern world onto a new path and rewriting the fate of the prince! As her relationship with Philip intensifies, a warring native tribe rises up to attack and demolish the Spanish settlement; at home, the crumbling portal tower is scheduled for demolition! Summer may have plans for Gina and the Prince, and Gina realizes she must soon choose between her life in the modern world or her new life in the past – but the mysterious Cero’s books contain secrets that change everything for all involved.

233 words

BLURB 2:

On the tenth anniversary of her father’s death, fourteen-year-old Gina Martin finds herself inexplicably drawn to the run-down old park where he used to take her. There, while exploring an eerie abandoned water tower, Gina accidentally discovers a portal that takes her to the 1700’s where she meets and falls for a young Noble tasked with settling Spain’s La Florida territory. Each day, Gina goes to school, then sneaks off to spend time in the old world with Prince Philip. Befriending a matronly handmaiden who is skilled in the mystical nature of local plants, Gina learns to love the ways of the old world – to the ire of Philip’s counselor Cero, a practitioner of a darker mysticism who wants Gina gone.

But as she studies history in school, Gina notices her textbook changing to reflect the things she does in Old Florida – possibly sending the modern world onto a new path and rewriting the fate of the prince! As her relationship with Philip intensifies, a warring native tribe rises up to finally demolish the Spanish settlement, and at home, the crumbling portal tower is scheduled for demolition! Gina realizes she must choose between her life in the modern world or her new life in the past, but the mysterious Cero’s books contain secrets that change everything for all involved.

216 words

BLURB 3:

Fourteen-year-old Gina and lives in modern Tampa, but accidentally discovers a portal that takes her to the 1700’s where she meets and falls for a young Noble tasked with settling Spain’s La Florida territory. Each day she goes to school, then sneaks off (to the portal) to spend time in the old world with Prince Philip. But as she studies history in school, she sees her textbook change each day to reflect things she did in Old Florida – possibly sending the modern world onto a new path and rewriting history for (the fate of) the prince! As her fondness for Philip intensifies, native tribes are rising up to demolish the Spanish settlement – and Gina realizes she must choose between staying in the modern world or living in the past.

128 words

Is one of the blurbs better than the others? Which elements do you need to feel compelled to check it it further? What puts you off? What intrigues you?

Comment below!