First day of school… Again

First grade this time – and I’m doing what I did last year!
I slept like crap.
I woke up two hours before I needed to and forced myself to go back to sleep – the first time.
The second time, I got up. So it’s only 90 minutes before I need to be awake.
Last year, I was so nervous I got up early, packed her lunch, made her breakfast… Read the newspaper, wrote a blog post, watched the early morning news, surfed the Internet, and generally tapped my toe until it was close enough to her wake up time to wake her up.
This time I’m doing a little better. I’m typing the blog post really slowly.
But what was I anxious about?
That she’d be nervous? Hell yes. First day of first grade. But it’s the same school as last year and she did fine. By Thanksgiving I was impressed with how many friends she’d made and how well she knew they campus.
Am I worried she’s growing up so fast?
I am.
I don’t get that. I was here for six years. She’s not going anywhere.
Except she is. She’s growing up and I miss the little girl and the little baby she used to be. Those days were fun but they are over. And it’s a good thing. Changing diapers at this stage of the game would stink. Literally. And those late night feelings got old fast.
I think it’s missing the kid she was while not yet knowing the kid she’s going to be, and worrying for how she’ll do with… everything.
It’ll be better tomorrow when she gets through today unscathed, regaling me with stories of interesting projects and fun classmates on the drive home. I’m sure by Thanksgiving I’ll be just as impressed with her ability to make new friends and enjoy school as I was last year. I mean, she LOVES school. She wakes up on Saturday and Sunday asking if she gets to go to school. Who does that? The kid loves school!
So I just need to hold my breath until turkey day.
And burn another hour til it’s time to wake her up.