(I ran this post last year around this time and it’s worth running again. I’m all about helping people.)
Nearly every female writer I’ve become friends with has had the same fight with her man: she spends too much time on the computer. (I don’t think ANY of these dustups came during football season, either. We’ll be ahead of the curve.)
The fight happens because your man feels disconnected, so let him know he’s not boring to you. Bored wives end up angry and file for divorce. Bored girlfriends end up becoming ex-girlfriends.
He probably doesn’t want that.
Happily, you can hammer out a writing schedule that works for everyone, without appearing to do so.
- Take a week off from writing and track just how much time he actually wants. Don’t announce this, just don’t get on the computer when you normally would. Attempt to be a part of whatever he’s doing – unless it’s woodworking; that, he wants you to have no part of. Because tools. Just gaze adoringly at whatever exotic hardwood object he eventually presents.
- As a woman you’re practically a pre-qualified CIA spy. While spending time with him during this week off, covertly keep track of things. Whether it’s an hour of doing puzzles or watching SVU, note when you start and when he doesn’t seem to require you by his side. After a week he’ll be tired of trying to be interesting – and you’ll know how much time he really needs.
- Talk. How’s the (your local NFL team)’s draft prospects this year? Or the (local baseball team)’s schedule? Those two questions alone show you’re trying. (If SVU is on, do this during commercials.)
- Let your lion know he’s still king of the jungle. Yes, that means sex, but you initiate it – and don’t take no for an answer. Attack him after dinner and give him what he likes best, right there on the couch. Casually ask if he’s thought about having a three way with you and another woman, and then before he can answer, rock his world.
After a week, he’ll beg you to go back to your computer, not because he dislikes the new arrangement, but because he’s exhausted.
Then start work on your old writing schedule again, adjusted for your week of recon. Maybe write on Monday – Wednesday – Friday, and on Sunday morning while he reads the paper.
- Stop writing and give him a smile when he walks into the room, not the “I’m busy, don’t interrupt” face. He’s not being mean; he simply doesn’t know the refrigerator is where the cold sodas are kept. Accept that.
Yes, it’s an unfair a one-way street for a while; but unless he’s a complete bozo, things will turn around quickly. He’ll have new enthusiasm for your writing and you’ll have a busy writing schedule. Everybody wins!
Besides, baseball season starts soon. You can go the extra mile with a new schedule until it does.
(Ladies, turnabout is fair play. Tell us your strategies to keep things happy and productive for the writer that is you!)
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Dan Alatorre is the author of several bestsellers and the hilarious upcoming novel “Poggibonsi: an italian misadventure.” Click HERE to check out his other works.
35 replies on “5 Ways To Avoid The “You Spend Too Much Time On The Computer” Fight”
I like number 4 the best.
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It’s not like I have these memorized, so I started to scroll back up… but then I realized who this comment was from and of course didn’t need to scroll back up!
Hey, whatever works, right? Keep peace in the family. It’s hard to write when you are stressing about a fight that’s brewing.
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Luckily, there is no one to tell me how much time I should or shouldn’t spend on the computer… but I have made a note of this in case I need it in the future!
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I can fuss at you every once in a while if you want.
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Thank you Dan, that is very kind of you. I appreciate it.
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make him a part of it –
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Great idea. One friend has her husband help with proofreading. It all helps!
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Oh I just love this post! Very good and very apt at this point in time for me.Thanks 🙂
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It happens to us all, and it’s never a bad idea to look around and see how our writing life is affecting others we used to interact with. Kids, the dog… Occasionally they will want to be fed or taken to school.
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So true though I can’t say I’ve ever starved my kids nor not walked my dog!
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There you go, then.
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thanks for the follow and thanks for sharing this post again…I like no. 4 item..I should try..let you know soo …
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There ARE other tips on the lust! But… hey, if number four works best, Merry Christmas to your man!
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lol…
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Tis the season
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Er, my slight issue with this is the male in my house that complains about my computer time is not my husband but my son. I’ll be skipping some of those suggestions thank you very ickarooo much. As a side note, he does indeed know where the Izze is kept he just can’t open the can. LOL
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Izze = soda
can =/= bathroom
Because it’s an even more awkward reply if you don’t know that
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This is the crux of it–that “our writing life is affecting others we used to interact with.” How do we deal with the guilt when family and pets need more of our attention?
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Guilt is an unproductive time waster in general.
Typically, you are either right, in which case a plan of attack is needed, or you are wrong, in which case an apology is warranted. I can apologize with the best of them. I mess up a lot but I can defend my position as if I was totally in the right, which wins the battle and loses the war. So after an appropriate amount of pondering, I apologize and move forward.
However, if you are right, which I hear happens on occasion to others, then you need to assess everybody’s needs and make the adjustments. Maybe that’s a second hand computer for the kid and maybe it’s a schedule for family time or adult time, but writing time gets its place too – NOT usually during family time or adult time.
Go to my search feature and type “find time to write.” I’ve listed a lot of ways to figure out how to get the writing time you need. Usually it just forces you to prioritize your writing over stuff like Facebook or the Kardashians, but it doesn’t require cutting things out, just managing them.
Good luck, and if you need more help, send me a message using the Contact Me button. I can reply privately or we can anonymously air your questions and get some input from the group!
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I complained for years about my husband spending too much time on his photography blog and now the shoe is on the other foot. We have reached a reasonable compromise were we sit companionably on the sofa with our laptops. I just give him the ‘look’ when he dares to complain…:)
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There you go. Family time. The whole gang, gathered on the sofa together, not saying a word…
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LOL! Three cats, too.
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THREE!!
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Three Egyptian feral street cats – F1 feral like the tornado warning.
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Wow. That’s a handful!
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Sure is…:)
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I am the writer in my household. As such, when my wife is complaining about me not spending enough time with her, I find that she only needs #4. Because…well… I’m a guy. That being said, I find it a tad bit infuriating that she has it so easy… not that I’m complaining.
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Surprisingly there are a lot of #4 responses on both sides. But, whatever works! As a guy I can say, you might ask HER what she thinks about all this, but then you’ll end up at JoAnne Fabrics and not watching the playoffs.
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There’s a very simple solution here. Buy him an XBox. Then you won’t see him for DAYS.
My problem is more that I MUST watch football…so I hog the TV AND the laptop. Actually, come to think of it, that isn’t MY problem, it’s HIS. But surely there’s a mower to gas up or a tree to trim?
P.S. I’m pretty fly with woodworking tools – and I have access to some boss ones at work. But I share.
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I have resisted gaming for that very reason. I worked with guys who were seriously addicted and I don’t wanna go there. I have books to write.
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What…no one wants to read a book about Destructive Rampage IV? 🙂
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Actually, it does sound kinda interesting…
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I’ll write it write now for you. SHOOT ALL THE THINGS. THE END.
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This is the #1 reason we argue! I can’t believe this is common. I feel better now that it’s not just me!
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Glad I could help!
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