4th of July sale!

My friend Allison has put her book on sale for 4th of July (see below), and I thought that was a great idea, so I’m putting ALL of my books on sale today for 99 cents (English titles only; most of these are available in 11 different languages and I’ll be at the beach before I ever get that many changed, but if you NEED the German version it’s there).

I will put in the price change request in a few minutes, and the new prices will probably be in effect around noon. One day only. Here are my titles.

savvystories1 perry kirkpatrickBestselling author and humorist Dan Alatorre brings us into his living room for funny and delightful stories about the real meaning of fatherhood and parenting. “Savvy” is the nickname of his daughter, and “Savvy Stories” is a fun filled romp through the early years of having a baby. These stories will have you chuckling at the universal message of bringing up baby – and watching her take over the house! Equal parts funny and touching, Savvy Stories shows you why all kids are special. After all, “the beauty of children is in the magic they see everywhere; the beauty of parenthood is seeing it with them.” Not a bumbling TV sitcom stooge, the Dad in this book is a smart, kind, loving man who is constantly amazed at his daughter, something every dad should be (but, sadly, many are not).

You will laugh and cry, sometimes on the same page, and you will see yourself 100 times over in this book. Savvy Stories has been acclaimed as required reading for parents, for its hilarious and heartwarming insights. Its lessons are deep and apply to every family, everywhere, because what makes Savvy special is what makes all children special. We just have to look.

http://www.amazon.com/Savvy-Stories-Things-Learned-Daughter-ebook/dp/B00EUMARZM/ref=la_B00EUX7HEU_1_4_title_1_kin?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436009241&sr=1-4

amazon cover“The honesty of a 2 year old is amazing. Are they all like this? I hope so. What a shame that probably has to change.

“I’ve caught my daughter doing stuff where I would expect an older kid to lie, and she persists in telling me exactly what she did, ratting herself out completely. That just can’t keep up, can it?

“Whenever it’s just the two of us home alone and I need a shower, like after I’ve worked out but my wife isn’t home to watch our daughter, I’ll put Savvy on the bed in the master bedroom and leave the bathroom door open. That way, she can watch cartoons while sitting on the bed, and I can shower.

“With the door ajar, she can’t see me, but she can certainly come in if some crisis were to happen – like the DVR switched her cartoon off and put on the news – and I can hear her if were to cry for some reason – like when she was trying to use the headboard as a balance beam and got wedged between the mattress.

“She’s two. That stuff happens…”

You will buy this book for the comedy but you will keep it for the memories – and fall in love all over again with your own kids!

http://www.amazon.com/TERRIBLE-Twos-Learned-Toddler-Daughter-ebook/dp/B00F245L0I/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

4You have never read a book like this before.

The Long Cutie hooks you with alternating chapters about a charmingly precocious 3 year old girl and stories of other real life people who have Long QT Syndrome, a potentially life threatening heart condition.

But this is no sob-story cry fest!

This is a life-affirming, often hilarious, occasionally thrilling, rollercoaster ride!

The Long Cutie will make you smile, nod, laugh and cry – sometimes all in the same page. Interspersed throughout the book are fascinating vignettes from a Norwegian man who tells stories about his family’s tragic history of LQTS. All the stories in the book are true. Some families consider themselves “special needs.” Others don’t. Some found out that they had Long QT by passing out and wrecking their cars! Some were misdiagnosed with epilepsy for years. Some of their stories are like reading TV medical drama. Some are like reading a comedy. All of them are amazingly true and a rollercoaster of emotions to read, but you will not end up depressed or feeling bad as you read because these are some of the strongest people you will ever read about and they do not inspire and will not accept – pity.
Think of it like Pulp Fiction without all the shooting and blood. And without the gangsters. And without the cussing. And… Okay, don’t think of it like Pulp Fiction. Wait, DO think of Pulp Fiction, but only in the way the stories are separate stories that are told in pieces that may or may not overlap.

You know, you’ll just have to read it.
But I think you’re really going to like it!

And I know you are going to be touched by it. Deeply.

http://www.amazon.com/Long-Cutie-Dan-Alatorre-ebook/dp/B00ICAU0KU/ref=la_B00EUX7HEU_1_5_title_0_main?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436009602&sr=1-5&refinements=p_82%3AB00EUX7HEU

theshortyears a smIn this hilarious and heartwarming short story, two parents encourage their little girl to grow up, and immediately wonder about the repercussions of their decision. They juggle potty training, theme park visits – and the thought of life without her one day.

You will see yourself in this story 100 times over. Be prepared to laugh – and cry – sometimes on the same page!

If you don’t enjoy this one, don’t read my other Savvy Stories books. This one is a fave. It has a special place in my heart, and every single word is true. I’d have made myself look a lot nutty otherwise.

http://www.amazon.com/Short-Years-funny-parenting-Stories-ebook/dp/B00FBMKEOY/ref=la_B00EUX7HEU_1_18?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436009718&sr=1-18&refinements=p_82%3AB00EUX7HEU

cover“Colonoscopy? You turn 50 and all of a sudden they want to stick a TV camera up your butt? Terrific.”

Dan deals with it ALL, laying out each step of the process in his typical, hilarious way, but with a goal of educating us in the process (in the end, it’s not so bad. Get it? In the end?) about a necessary and life saving procedure.

Night Of The Colonoscopy is a funny story about a guy starting to get a little older and trying to be realistic about it; wanting to have fun in life while still setting a good example for his 3-year old daughter – while keeping a humorous outlook at life.

The hospital gown that won’t close in the back? The nurse who didn’t tell him everything he might need to know about laxatives? And just how big is that camera, anyway???

Follow along and laugh as we head down another road of family interaction and life lessons as we learn about the Night Of The Colonoscopy!

Buy this book and learn about this important and life saving procedure while chuckling to yourself the whole time.

http://www.amazon.com/Night-Colonoscopy-Horror-Story-Stories-ebook/dp/B00IA9MG2I/ref=la_B00EUX7HEU_1_6_title_0_main?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436010284&sr=1-6&refinements=p_82%3AB00EUX7HEU

BuyMart Cover NewBestselling author and humorist Dan Alatorre takes us on a trip that will have any parent laughing out loud! Dan shows us the hilarious side of the challenges of parenting, as the father of a young girl is suddenly tasked with getting her a leotard before her first gymnastics class.

What happens next is an endearing journey of comedy that we’ve all been through: the challenge of shopping quickly combined with the fun and magic of childhood.

Moms and dads alike will laugh along with the characters in this epic journey because There’s no Such Thing As A Quick Trip To BuyMart!

http://www.amazon.com/Theres-Such-Thing-Quick-BuyMart-ebook/dp/B00JW38D3W/ref=la_B00EUX7HEU_1_12_title_1_kin?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436010359&sr=1-12&refinements=p_82%3AB00EUX7HEU

Santa Maybe CoverA routine trip to the store creates a golden opportunity for a loving father to bestow a terrific Christmas memory on his three year old daughter. Filled with humor and love, this story will have you laughing and turning the pages to see if the stranger with the red shirt and white beard is… Santa Maybe?

This one is an annual favorite. I read this instead of “The Night Before Christmas”

http://www.amazon.com/Santa-Maybe-Savvy-Stories-Alatorre-ebook/dp/B00N125PVI/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

coverA fun loving comedy by bestselling author and humorist Dan Alatorre. A loving father somehow gets ensnared in his 3 ½ year old daughter’s request for a birthday party for her favorite stuffed animal; and instead of saying no, he goes along with it. What happens next is a hilariously funny and charming explanation of the true meaning of fatherhood, the differences between moms and dads, and how sometimes the really silly things we do on life’s journey are often the best:

“My daughter was nearly insane with excitement. No sugar high could match the rush of endorphins that were the thought of all her favorite things in the whole world all colliding in her brain at one time: ice cream, Hope The Baby Dolphin, birthday cake, and playing with the phone.”- from “A Day For Hope”

http://www.amazon.com/Day-Hope-birthday-stuffed-animal-ebook/dp/B00N1CFT78/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Give me a few minutes and I’ll have the rest of the books on here… This is more time consuming than I thought!

Okay, All the price changes have been submitted to Ammy, now I’ll add the titles and synopsises (synopsi?) here. just a sec…

LagunaCoverFinalChildren love this delightful picture book! With its many cute images, Laguna The Lonely Mermaid tells the story of a lonely young mermaid who must think of a creative way to rescue stranded pirates. By helping others, she makes new friends.

Great for parents to read to preschoolers or for slightly older kids to read to their parents! Includes suggestions for parents about making reading fun for kids, links to Facebook Fan page for downloadable coloring pages, and more.

BTW, I wrote this down but have a look at who the author is. There’s a story behind that. My daughter made up this whole story. THAT story is included in the book, too. Kids’ll impress ya.

http://www.amazon.com/Laguna-Lonely-Mermaid-illustrated-children-ebook/dp/B00KUI1OQQ/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Cover2

Children are going crazy for this story! A young girl’s family visits the beach, where she befriends a small crab and his friends. All is well until a little stranger washes up on shore after a storm, and she decides to work with her new friends to help him get back home – to France!

Enjoy this fun, full color, illustrated children’s book that has a great story and also teaches the importance of persistence, creativity, and teamwork!

Perfect to read to little ones, or have slightly older kids read to you!

This started out as a game we played when Savvy was a tiny little thing, and grew into this story. can you guess who the little girl in the story is?

http://www.amazon.com/Adventures-Pinchy-Crab-Ramon-DEscargot-ebook/dp/B00LU6Y52M/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

PrincessBlueOnBlue

An adorable, amusing picture book with many cute images for children, “The Princess And The Dolphin” tells the story of a beautiful little princess who has a very special stuffed animal – that she loses somewhere in the castle! With help of her parents (the king and queen) and the family dog, they are off on a search.

Kids enjoy a terrific, fun story while discovering that persistence is important, as well as being resourceful, and working together.

A little princess in your house might just learn a thing or two about putting her toys away, and maybe a little something about responsibility, too!

Great for parents to read to preschoolers or for slightly older kids to read to their parents!

I love this story. It’s 100% true (okay, we aren’t kings and queens, but you get the idea), and if you read my stuff you know it is. If i could only leave ONE book for my daughter to read, it would be this one. Because she’s five now and she can’t read the bigger books. but also because this really happened, so we made a story about it.

http://www.amazon.com/Princess-Dolphin-color-illustrated-children-ebook/dp/B00MFUO84M/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

COOKBOOKS! Here are my bestselling cookbooks, complete with snarky, funny commentary by yours truly. We’re great cooks in this family, as you’ll see…

35Great-BestsellerSTICKER

From Our Families to Yours…

We’ve put together 35 of our most amazing family favorites for you!

Let me tell you a secret about making restaurant-quality recipes at home: some foods are meant to be enjoyed. For once, forget those fancy diets and ‘healthy’ fasts. There is a new one every day. Allow us to help you discover sheer joy and unparalleled taste in old school family recipes.

It’s ALL in here, 35 of our BEST:

==> Quick and easy, tasty treats.
==> Elaborate fine dining recipes.
==> Oriental, French, Italian, Mexican and Latin American Favourites.
==> Simple healthy salsa, amazing meatballs, perfect pizza and unique family treasures, you’ll fall in love with!
==> Kids’ favourite Cakes and Cookies too!

There’s more to it than just recipes, there’s golden, in-the-family instructions and priceless advice passed down to us and noted in this book carefully for you.
“Use fresh ingredients and follow the recipe completely the first time you make it. Don’t rush. Experiment the second time.”
Simple, yet we tend to forget them. Our mothers knew, we needed these instructions. They somehow always know, don’t they?

Sip a glass of wine and enjoy cooking for your family while everybody gathers around the kitchen to chat and play like we did when we were kids. The reason our grandmas spent all day making food was because they got to spend the day with the entire family!
And the reason we loved the food, was:

It was made with love – that’s the Secret.

So Go Ahead, BUY THIS BOOK. You’ll be in the kitchen with friends.
Enjoy the Pizza, Hot Wings, Grilled Crab and yes, the Love..
(Hint: Several Bonus Recipes included!)

http://www.amazon.com/Great-Recipes-Wish-Your-Mother-ebook/dp/B00KGDIW6U/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

35 amazing recipesYou can make restaurant-quality recipes at home while feeling like you’re being guided by a friend!Time with family, just like great food, should be enjoyed. There are too many complicated diets trying to ruin your day. Relax, take a break, and treat yourself.

Come with us again and discover the fun and flavor in these old-school family recipes.

http://www.amazon.com/Amazing-Recipes-Mother-Would-Proud-ebook/dp/B00KYZYU2K/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

not so busy

Some of the best times I ever had…
were when my whole family would get together at somebody’s house for a simple cookout. Burgers, hot dogs, fried chicken, pies – the best foods in America!

Here are some of the MOST DELICIOUS, mouth-watering recipes collected from my family members over the years, plus lots of new ones that my wife and I have created in our home.

http://www.amazon.com/All-American-Favorites-Delicious-Recipes-ebook/dp/B00XAX5J1O/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Okay, I THINK I got them all. If not, send me a message at the CONTACT ME button. I’ll be at the beach. HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

Here’s Allison Maruska’s book

cover

When Michelle receives a call from a Richmond historian, she sees the chance for a much-needed adventure. All she has to do is find a century-old key.

Three others – a guitarist, an engineer, and a retiree – receive similar calls. Each family possesses a key to a four-lock safe found buried in a Virginia courthouse, though their connection is as mysterious as the safe itself. Their ancestors should not have interacted, had no apparent reason to bury the safe, and should not have disappeared thereafter.

Bearing their keys, Michelle and the other descendants converge in the courthouse basement and open the safe, revealing the truth about their ancestors – a truth stranger, more deadly, and potentially more world-changing than any of them could have imagined. Now it’s up to them to keep their discovery out of the wrong hands.

http://geni.us/1Odz

cropped-fireworks.jpg Woo hoo! Happy birthday America!

FOLLOW ME! I’m this funny all the time. Don’t miss another valuable bauble that falls from my fingertips. You read this far; you need this stuff. SUBSCRIBE/FOLLOW TODAY (click the follow “Follow” button, above) and if you send me your email through the Contact Me button I’ll send you a free copy of my amazingly cute book “The Short Years” plus we’ll probably become friends and start hanging out and stuff.

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He looks like he knows something, carrying that computer around, doesn’t he?
He looks like he knows something, carrying that computer around, doesn’t he?

Dan Alatorre is the author of several bestsellers and the hilarious upcoming novel “Poggibonsi” – yeah, we know. We’re trying to convince him to change that title – check out his other works here http://www.amazon.com/Dan-Alatorre/e/B00EUX7HEU/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1425128559&sr=1-1 and check back often for interesting stuff.

What do YOU think? Let me hear from ya.

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